At the beginning let it be told that this is a satire on the way girls are objectified almost as items to be consumed.

No it’s not a song as you may have thought the title of this article to be! What is it then? Well, surprisingly (pleasant for most) and somewhat shockingly (for the sanskaari lot), we finally have our own novel Kiss Café which was finally unveiled in the peaceful climes of an aspiring global city. The concept is being passed off as unique and multicultural (you’ll find out why) and the owners expect big profits from day one.

What is Kiss Café?

This novel concept literally lets you have kisses for breakfast, 40% more for lunch and the whole hog for dinner which starts post 10pm. According to Sunny Titwala, the owner of the café, this café looks at the female body as the most delectable and wondrous dish of all, served piping hot to true connoisseurs and voracious eaters in unique forms.

There are several global divisions including Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, American and French which pertain to both kisses and lots else! There are detailed instruction kits along with some actual grub for people booking exclusive breakfast, lunch or dinner parlors. Now, bookings can be shared or transferred with/to friends and relatives by men using the mobile app simultaneously launched for the same. The café spreads over 1 lakh sq ft and has approximately 25 such dining parlors.

In a one of its kind concept, you can now get a monthly or weekly membership consisting of breakfast, lunch and dinner along with free tipple on the house and add-ons like massages and sensual spa. Oh talking of massages, we forgot to notify you of the real deal, i.e. the girls. Every parlor is manned by a suitable young woman. Ages are kept diverse to suit the needs of a diverse clientele from 14 to even 72 as the owner would have us believe!

Breakfast would mean scintillating hot crepes, bagels, sandwiches, coffee and some hot kisses and cuddling (yes, we’re serious!) to come with the same. Lunch would be a wide Italian and Continental spread with some more action while dinner menus come with tipple and of course, full-on action. Explaining this format, Mr. Titwala says, We have planned based on the raid timings of the law keepers and in consultation with the authorities. We always adhere to the rules and hence the increase in action gradually with peak customer penetration happening at night. Our girls are carefully selected and we are proud to offer 40% discounts to all members of the government, parties and of course, our honest officers in uniform.

Also, we thank the ruling authorities for keeping the borders open and giving us the licenses for importing our exotic beauties from Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, China and even far away climes like Russia and Europe. You see, we are already striving to offer something unique for our clients he adds.

A separate helpline has been set up on a first come first serve basis for official authorities including law makers, keepers and judicial enforcers of the peace which cumulatively comprises almost 40% of the prospective clientele according to café sources. The novel Kiss Café has already received over 2.5 lakh advance bookings and is already deemed profitable before its launch. You will have to wait for at least two years to get your parlor but in the meantime, here’s hoping you can cultivate some contacts for the sharing facility or enjoy the membership benefits.

But what lies behind the name? Isn’t it a little too simple?

Mr. Titwala has a unique theory behind this- Arre yaar, that is the deception! Also, considering the need to maintain some discipline, we have kept the name very simple and sweet. The namkeen bit is the real surprise.

Kiss Café is already a super hit with men between 14-75 with many even dedicating statuses to the same or chalking out weekend parlor trysts with their buddies in tow. This has revitalized the flagging hospitality and entertainment sector in the city which was reeling under the influence of too many sober parties of late.

Post Script:

If you have read the post till now and with a reasonable level of eagerness, it will certainly reveal to you four things, namely –

1. What does the café stand for
2. Where is it based and who is the owner
3. How women are now packaged commodities being imported and exported for cardinal and sometimes official pleasure
4. What are you? (Beast/Human)

Excuse the harmless satire. All incidents are fictional and not worth delving into from a realistic perspective. Good day!